


When I Became We

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, also swearing, iwa doesnt love oikawa, lots of pain, oikawa loves iwa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-12 10:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa loves Iwa-chan, he has done for a long time, and always planned on confessing and having Iwa-chan like him back. Except going to different colleges messed that up and taught Oikawa something; seeing Iwa-chan in love with someone else hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Is the title a bit cheesy? Been trying my best to think of some good ones, so.

It was happening again. Oikawa knew it would never change, he expected it now, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Watching the person you love, love someone else was never easy.   
Oikawa smiled when Iwa-chan's girlfriend smiled and said hello. He'd spent his entire life faking smiles and confidence, none of this was new to him. Iwa-chan, who had always been able to see through his fake smiles, believed these ones. Although, he supposed, Iwa-chan was always focused on his girlfriend when she was around, that's how it always was.

 

When he returned home during a break from college, the last thing Oikawa expected to happen happened; Iwa-chan had a girlfriend. While there had been times where Oikawa missed his best friend during college and wondered why they'd gone to different colleges, he never really regretted it. That is, until he realised it gave Iwa-chan the chance to fall in love with someone.   
Iwa-chan's hand was around hers, and Oikawa felt his heart clench every time he looked at it. "Is Iwa-chan and Yoshiko-chan heading out on a date?" Oikawa cooed, forcing his usual behaviour out. He'd been dealing with this for over a year now, he could manage.

 

But yet... He could see he love in his Iwa-chan's eyes when he so much as glanced at him. Love that wasn't directed to Oikawa.   
No, he couldn't manage, because it had been over a year and he was still stupidly in love with the big brute Iwaizumi.

 

"Shut up," Iwa-chan grumbled. "And stay here, you can't come along again." Yes, when Oikawa still believed he had a chance with Iwa-chan.   
"Aw, but Yoshiko-chan likes me coming along," he pouted.   
"No she doesn't, she just doesn't know how to say no yet," Iwa-chan argued. "Now get lost, Shittykawa, we're busy."

 

Oikawa kept up his acting until Iwa-chan and Yoshiko-chan were out of sight, and they his smile dropped. Stupid Yoshiko. Stupid Iwa-chan. Stupid Oikawa. Why hadn't he confessed before going to college? He knew college could change everything. Being apart constantly meant that they would grow distant. Perhaps Oikawa had believed a bit too much in that old saying _'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'_

 

Iwa-chan came to visit Oikawa the next day. They'd arranged a day where the two of them could catch up before returning to college. It would just be Iwa-chan, Oikawa, and all the crappy alien conspiracy shows Oikawa could find. Because that used to be their thing, and Oikawa had missed it.

"Are we really doing this, Shittykawa?" Iwa-chan asked. "I thought you'd have stopped believing in aliens by now."  
"They're out there, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa proclaimed, silently wondering when Iwa-chan started to not want to watch these shows. He would argue before, but he never really meant it, he always wanted to watch them.

 

Iwa-chan rolled his eyes, "sure, sure, but what about this one?" He pulled a DVD from his backpack, "I went to see it with Yoshiko a while back and we loved it. I'm sure you will."  
Oikawa gave him his falsest smile yet, "anything for Iwa-chan." But while his expression was a lie, his words were not.

 

It wasn't a surprise when Iwa-chan came to see him off to college and, really, it wasn't a surprise when Yoshiko-chan came along, too. Oikawa glared at the girl when she wasn't looking, but smiled when she did.   
"See you soon, Iwa-chan, Yoshiko-chan!" Oikawa called, before boarding the train.

 

College was a mundane affair that Oikawa fit back into fairly easily. He attended volleyball practise, and usually showed up to his classes on time. Being so far away, it was easy to forget about Iwa-chan and the girl he loved. Oikawa could surround himself with new people, volleyball, and classes. He didn't need to torture himself, and he really tried not to for once.

 

It was going well, too, Oikawa was happy, not all of his smiles were forced, and he didn't have to watch Iwa-chan and Yoshiko-chan fall more and more in love every time they looked at each other. But the world didn't want him to be happy, it didn't want him to move on, it wanted him to suffer.

 

"Surprise," Iwa-chan said as Oikawa opened the door late one night. Yoshiko-chan waved from behind him, and said the same words but with more enthusiasm.   
It was late, Oikawa was tired, so he couldn't be blamed if his smile was harsher than usual, and his glares not so well concealed.

 

"Iwa-chan, Yoshiko-chan, what are you doing here?"   
"We got the week off," Iwa-chan explained, "and decided to pay a visit."  
"You staying for the week?" Oikawa's muscles clenched subtly, and, unlike before, Iwa-chan didn't notice.

 

"Yeah."   
"Isn't it great?" Yoshiko-chan beamed.   
"Yeah, welcome to my home!"

 

It was strange, Oikawa decided, watching Iwa-chan and Yoshiko-chan interact with each other. In his mind, relationships seemed like big, dramatic affairs, that was what he saw on the corny romance films he and Iwa-chan had watched for kicks. But the two of them were subtle about everything.

Oikawa couldn't help but notice how Iwa-chan would bring Yoshiko-chan a warm drink every morning. How Yoshiko-chan knew exactly what food Iwa-chan fancied each night, and happily cooked it with his help. The two were capable of sitting together for hours on end in complete silence. They were happy as long as they were together.

 

Oikawa figured that if he were a better man, who didn't hoard bitterness and malice in his heart for those he disliked, he would admit that the two of them were happy together and that Iwa-chan was okay with Yoshiko-chan. But Oikawa wasn't a better man, he was bitter and selfish and damn it, Iwa-chan was always there for him! He was the one who helped Oikawa through everything; through every loss and every stump he hit, he was there when he injured his leg and Oikawa really thought that Iwa-chan liked him back!

 

Sure, they'd never talked about feelings like that, but Oikawa knew he loved Iwa-chan, and the way Iwa-chan acted made him believe that he loved Oikawa back! But, he could now see what it looked like to be loved by Iwaizumi Hajime. 


	2. Chapter 2

Oikawa was sick of everything. Fuck being nice to Yoshiko, fuck trying to keep in his emotions, fuck it all because damn it, it hurt watching the person you love, love someone else! He didn't know what his past did to piss off the deities, but he wished they'd fix it already and make up because it wasn't fair that he had to deal with it now.

Iwa-chan was getting married and wanted Oikawa to be best man. Oikawa couldn't do that. He could put up with a lot when it came to Iwa-chan and his... his fiancée, but he couldn't support him promising to spend his life with someone else!

Yet, what could Oikawa say? When Iwa-chan had such a large, honest smile on his face, looking happier than Oikawa had seen him in such a long time. Oikawa forced the same smile he'd been using for years, and agreed to it.

Oikawa figured he could get out of it when the time came. An invitation to play volleyball in America, a scholarship to a prestigious school in England, his one chance to travel through Europe.

Whatever excuse he used, Oikawa would not be present for Iwa-chan's wedding.

 

  
"Yoshiko wants purple and silver," Iwa-chan told him as they entered the tailers. "Obviously, she gets to pick being the bride, but she said she values my opinion, too. What do you think?"  
"I think it doesn't matter what colours you pick, you won't look better than me," Oikawa said as he ignored the constant ache in his chest.

Iwa-chan punched him just as they were approached by the staff. "Iwaizumi-san?" They said.  
"That's me."  
"Well then, shall we get the two of you fitted for suits?"

 

Oikawa had wore a suit before for his older sister's wedding and had to go for a fitting then as well, so he had a bit of an idea how this all happened. The picking of a dress took far longer than this, so Oikawa and Iwa-chan both had suits on in now time.

When Oikawa left the changing room, still in his suit, he saw Iwa-chan and his mouth went dry. It wasn't fair. Iwa-chan was not allowed to look that good when he was marrying someone that wasn't Oikawa.

Iwa-chan was happily chatting away to the staff, when he noticed Oikawa.  
He raised an eyebrow, "so, why aren't you marrying anyone yet?"  
Oikawa couldn't manage his usual teasing at this point, so he shrugged. "Not really into anyone."

 

"Don't worry, Yoshiko's inviting loads of her friends, I'm sure one of them will be up to your standards," Iwa-chan said, before turning back to the staff. "Does his suit fit well?" The man nodded and, within the hour, they were out with promises that they'd be back in a few months time.

"You know you have to plan my bachelour party," Iwa-chan reminded. "You'll mess my whole wedding up if you don't."  
"Good, I could save dear Yoshiko-chan, then," Oikawa sniffed, feeling his heart drop when Iwa-chan laughed.  
"Don't go over the top, okay?" Iwa-chan requested. "Just, invite all our friends for food or something. I don't mind."  
"Don't worry, Iwa-chan. It'll be fine."

 

  
Oikawa had it all planned out. A week before the wedding, he'd claim to get a call from his parents (who were actually working abroad). He'd say that his parents needed him to come to them immediately, as his dad had collapsed and his mom needed Oikawa's help until he was on his feet again.

It was foolproof. Oikawa would leave Iwa-chan the money to cover whatever had been spent on his suit and either plan the bachelor party and tell Mattsun where to go, or leave it all to him.  
Iwa-chan wouldn't be able to complain, because he knew how much Oikawa cared about his family.

Of course, Oikawa left it until about a weeks before the wedding, to make it seem more authentic. (Definitely not because he was worried, pfft)

 

"Wait, you aren't coming to my wedding?" Iwa-chan sounded in shock, but Oikawa could hear the anger in there.  
"Mom called and dad's hurt himself," Oikawa explained. "She needs my help in America."  
"Can't she wait another week? I'm getting married!" Iwa-chan snapped.  
"What can I do, Iwa-chan? She's struggling with dad, already. She tried to put it off for as long as possible," Oikawa said.

"Why are you just going along with it?" He demanded.  
"Because I've already argued with her and know there's no getting through to her," Oikawa replied. "I don't want to work myself up, again."

Iwa-chan ran his hands through his hair. "Fuck, man, I mean, just, fuck! This is my wedding, Oikawa! Don't you know how much I want you to be there?!"  
"Don't you know how much I want to be there?" Oikawa retorted. "Look, my shift starts soon. I'll be back later, okay?"  
"Yeah, whatever."

 

  
Oikawa didn't have work, just needed to get away before the guilt ate at him completely. Instead, he went home and cried. In just over a week, his Iwa-chan would be gone and there was nothing he could do about it. Iwa-chan was in love with Yoshiko, and probably hated Oikawa now.

Everything was ruined because Oikawa had to be difficult and go to a different college. If only he hadn't cared so much about volleyball, he would have stuck with Iwa-chan then and he never would have had the chance to meet Yoshiko.

Screw everything. Oikawa just wanted to wallow and eat everything he could because he didn't need to fit into a suit anymore. Except, he really couldn't be bothered to get off his couch. He also couldn't be bothered to get the remote off the floor, so he just sat in the dark and silence and cried.

 

A couple of hours later, there was a knock at his door. Oikawa knew his face was blotchy, his nose rubbed raw, and eyes swollen, but he didn't really care about anything at this point so he just opened the door.

Iwa-chan glared at him.

"I just got off the phone to your mom." Oikawa's heart dropped. "Your dad's fine, what the fuck were you going on about?"

 

Oikawa slammed the door shut and locked it.

 

"Oikawa, let me in! Why the fuck don't you want to go to my wedding? The hell's wrong with you!?"  
"Go away!" Oikawa screamed and chose not to return to his couch, but to his bedroom to morn his lost friendship.

Iwa-chan continued to shout and, not even five minutes later, Oikawa heard his front door open and instantly regretted giving Iwa-chan a key. Moments later, Iwa-chan appeared in the doorway.

Oikawa had seen him angry plenty of times, but never like this.

 

"Want to explain why you lied to get out of going to my wedding?" Iwa-chan seethed.  
"Not really," Oikawa answered as nonchanlantly as possible. He didn't do very well with it. He flopped down on his bed, making sure not to look at Iwa-chan.

"Oikawa, you can't just act like this! You aren't a teenager, you can't lie like this!"  
"And why not?"  
"Because this is my wedding, what could be more important that you'd have to miss it?"

 

Oikawa didn't answer, because the confession was right there, just dying to come out. He only had a week, if he didn't confess now, he never would be able to.

"Your mom's now worried about you, Yoshiko's confused and I'm fuming," Iwa-chan said.  
"Of course you'd tell her," Oikawa scoffed.  
Iwa-chan looked confused, "what, Yoshiko? We're getting married, of course I told her! Do you not like her? Is that it? I've seen you glare at her sometimes, but you never said anything about it."

 

Oikawa sat up and gave his well practised smile. "Don't worry about it, Iwa-chan. You'll be married soon and I'll be out of your hair."  
"Hey, don't give me that false smile, Shittykawa," Iwa-chan scowled, "you can't fool me with that, you know that."  
"But I have for the past few years," Oikawa pointed out. "That's the first time you've noticed."

"What, do you feel neglected or something? How immature are you?" Iwa-chan demanded.  
"That isn't it," Oikawa denied.  
"Then what is it?"

 

"I love you," Oikawa just let it out. He had already brought a ticket to America for the next day. His cases were packed. He'd be out of here before it could affect him too much.  
Iwa-chan frowned. "Don't be stupid. You're not, you know-"  
"Gay?" Oikawa supplied the word he'd been fumbling for. "I am, Iwa-chan, and I love you very much. So, excuse me for not wanting to see the person I love marry someone else. It isn't very desirable and I doubt I'd be much fun."

"You're such an idiot, there's no way you love me like that," Iwa-chan argued.  
"I know my own feelings," Oikawa snapped. "And I came to terms with these ones a long time ago."

Iwa-chan took a deep breath and turned around. "You're still invited to the wedding. You are the best man." Then, he left.  
Hours later, when everyone else in Japan was sleeping, Oikawa got up, finding his door open with Iwa-chan's set of keys on the floor.

 

The next day, Oikawa was on a flight to America. He'd left both sets of keys with his sister, asking her to check on the place every now and again. Or not, he didn't really care. He didn't think he'd be coming back for a while, anyway.

The flight was long, and lonely, and Oikawa doubted much would change when he finally got to America. He'd have to apply to a new college and try to make a life there away from everyone he'd ever known.

 

Two days later, he recieved a single text from Iwa-chan.

_Where are you?_

 

He couldn't answer it, not with the pain so fresh. It hurt when the bachelor party passed that he planned, and it hurt even more when he knew Iwa-chan was getting married. College didn't start yet, neither did his new job, so he had nothing to distract him from the pain of knowing he was losing his best friend.

Plus, the time zones made it so he was up at a ridiculous time, clutching his pillow in pain. He wanted to go home, wanted to stop the wedding, wanted to apologise for confessing and ruining everything, _he wanted Iwa-chan back!_

 

It was a week after the wedding that Oikawa's friends started to call Oikawa, wondering where he was and when he was coming back. He buried himself in work, ignoring every call.

It was a month after the wedding that Iwa-chan called. Oikawa was in the middle of a shift, and he froze. He stared at the caller ID, unable to think of anything except that he needed to talk to him. He quickly asked his boss if he could have his break now, and ran outside as he answered his phone.

He was silent, his breaths the only thing indicating that anyone was on the phone.

 

"Oi-Oikawa?" Iwa-chan stammered out. "Is that you?" Oikawa couldn't answer as he felt like crying. "Where are you, Oikawa? We're worried about you."  
Oikawa was silent, letting the noises of the world around him be the only sound.  
"Are you actually in a different country? Is that English they're speaking?" Iwa-chan was speaking quickly, almost afraid Oikawa would suddenly hang up. "Please come home, no one's upset that you missed the wedding."

Oikawa let out a squeak that was the result of holding back sobs.  
Iwa-chan's voice sounded relieved at hearing a sound. "It'll all be okay, just come home, Oikawa. Please."

Oikawa couldn't handle it. So, he hung up.

Twenty minutes later, when Oikawa was back on his shift, he received a text message.

From Iwa-chan  
_I'm sorry for how I reacted. We'll forget about it when you come home. We miss you._

Oikawa knew who the 'we' was; Iwa-chan and Yoshiko-chan, the newly weds. It was that single word that had Oikawa replying the way he did.  
He'd go back to Japan, eventually, probably after he finished college. But right now, he couldn't do it. If he wanted to move forwards, he had to get away from everything involving it.

To Iwa-chan  
_When 'we' becomes 'I' I'll consider going back._


End file.
